Are You Measuring Up?

Are you striving to be an excellent parent? Of course you want to be an excellent parent! You love your kids and want to do the best for them. You read parenting articles, books and take classes. You’re working hard to raise your children well.

How Are You Doing?

How do you measure how you are doing? If you were grading yourself as a parent, what grade would you give yourself? Do you score 100%? 110%? 60%?

What is the cut off for excellent parenting? Do you need to score at least 95%?

If these questions seem reasonable, you probably spent many years in schools that graded your work. You know what it’s like to strive for the perfect score. You know how it feels to get the top score and also how it feels to fall short.

The problem is relationships defy measurement. Nobody is giving out extra credit for getting your kids into bed on time or making a meal together. No psychologist will be assessing how well you’ve prepared your kids to launch as young adults.

What Is The Right Answer?

When you take tests in school, there are right answers and wrong answers. If you want to get a top score, you must know the right answers.

Finding the right answers involves judging different choices. What are the right answers in parenting?

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Successfully Talking to Teens

Dr. Heidi Stolz provides some wonderful tips on how to successfully talk to your teens in this video.

What type of government protection do our kids need?

Certainly children deserve to be protected from danger and abuse. Yet it's impossible to protect children from every possible harm. When we enact laws that attempt to dictate the rules parents must follow to protect their kids we can accidentally cast too wide a net.

For example, Danielle and Alexander Meitiv are in trouble with Child Protective Services because they let their 10-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter walk together without adults. They live in Maryland and Maryland has laws stating

"In Maryland, a child under the age of 8 years may not be left unattended at home, at school, or in a car. If a parent or guardian needs to leave a child who is younger than 8 years old, the parent or guardian must ensure that a reliable person, who is at least 13 years old will stay to protect the child. Failure to provide a reliable person to babysit the child is a misdemeanor, and the parent or guardian is subject to a fine up to $500 and up to 30 days in prison.

Both in and out of the home, parents and guardians must always give proper care and attention to children in their care. Children must not be left alone in situations where they may get hurt."

Danielle and Alexander Meitiv have been told by their lawyer that Child Protective Services is within their rights to take away the kids if they don’t cooperate. Child Protective Services have better ways to spend their time and money than on these parents who let their 6 and 10-year-olds walk alone. Parenting choices around situations like this rapidly escalate when law enforcement becomes involved.

We need a national discussion around how we should best legally protect children. We can’t protect children from every possible harm and having laws like Maryland’s may do more harm than good. When and how children are removed from their homes deserves the highest scrutiny. The trauma of being taken from their parents must be justified by the benefits to the children.

Once kids are removed from their home, they should be put in a better environment but that is far from assured. Our foster care system is broken, the way we reunite kids with their parents after being in foster care is broken, and our priorities in protecting kids is off.

I’d like to see a law saying it’s illegal to have an unsecured gun anywhere a child age 6 or under can access it. Now that's a law that could quickly save lives!

Let's talk about it.

Invest a Day in Sharpening Your Parenting Skills

Would you like to parent from a calm, confident place that invites cooperation instead of confrontation?
Even when you know how you'd ideally like your family to operate, it can be challenging to make those intentions a reality. You don't want to yell at your kids, yet you find yourself yelling. You want your kids to treat you with respect yet they talk back. You want to be on the same parenting page as your partner and yet you have very different approaches with the kids.
Raising kids is not easy. In these classes you'll learn to set limits on inappropriate behavior and encourage cooperation. You'll have time to ask questions about specific challenges you are facing.
Space is limited. Register today through EvergreenHealth.com/classes. Choice #1 - for parents with kids ages 1 to 5   Dates: Saturday, February 7th, 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM Location:  Evergreen Hospital, 12040 NE 128th Street, Kirkland, WA Cost: $99/person or $149/couple Description: Parenting young children can be exhausting! Discover how to set limits on inappropriate behavior, respond to tantrums and whining, recognize developmentally appropriate behavior, encourage cooperation and enjoy more fun together.   Choice #2 - for parents with kids ages 6 to 12   Dates: Saturday, February 14th, 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM Location:  Evergreen Hospital, 12040 NE 128th Street, Kirkland, WA Cost: $99/person or $149/couple Description: Discover how to parent your kids now in ways that typically produce fantastic teens instead of rebellious, self-destructive teens. Find out how to set reasonable, valuable consequences for your children's misbehavior, guide your kids to resolving their own conflicts, avoid power struggles and have more fun with your kids!   Choice #3 - for parents with kids ages 13 to 18   Dates: Saturday, February 21st, 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM Location:  Evergreen Hospital, 12040 NE 128th Street, Kirkland, WA Cost: $99/person or $149/couple Description: Develop a parenting approach that matches your teen's growing independence. Discover how to move from confrontation to cooperation, set limits on inappropriate behavior, guide your teens to making healthy decisions and prepare them to successfully launch as young adults.   Choice #4 - for parents who can't attend these classes   Learn from the comfort of your own home by taking an online parenting class for Ages 5 and Under, 6 to 12 or 13 to 18. Start today for only $59! Please join me for the class that best fits your family. If you have any questions, feel free to call me at 425-770-1629. Warm Regards,      Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed.      President, Priceless Parenting P.S. If you know someone who might enjoy taking this class, please do me a favor and share a link to this page.

Strong Feelings Make Kids' Communication Rocky

When something is troubling your kids, expect their strong feelings to make talking about it rocky. Focusing on the poor ways your child is communicating (eye rolls, attitude) will negatively escalate the situation like it does in this video.

Instead, try to connect with your child’s underlying feeling by saying something like “Hmm … it sounds like something upset you today.” After saying this, drop the conversation unless your child wants to continue. Plan to continue the conversation later on when your child is ready to talk about it.

Teaching Kids Healthy Ways to Express Their Feelings

Your kids will experience a wide range of emotions each day. They may feel elated one moment followed by disappointment in the next moment. Perhaps they are thrilled with the red helium balloon they’ve just been given, only to experience dismay when they forget to hold on and the balloon floats away. Or they may feel terrified in asking someone to the dance and then exhilarated when that person says yes.

Part of being human is experiencing all these different emotions. How your children learn to handle their feelings will affect their success in relationships and school.

Name That Feeling!

When your kids are young, they need your help in labeling their feelings. If your child is stomping his feet and snarling as he tries to zip up his jacket, you might comment “It looks like you are frustrated with trying to zip up your jacket. I feel frustrated too when things are hard to do.” Hearing this helps your child feel noticed while also learning a word to attach to his feelings.

Developing a vocabulary for describing feelings gives children words for their emotional experiences. Understanding their own feelings then allows them to appreciate other people’s feelings. Correctly reading other people’s feelings is essential for building relationships.

A chart with faces and labels can help children see the differences in feelings. A feelings chart can be used for kids to point to the face that best matches how they are currently feeling. Pictures that go along with stories are also a wonderful way to talk about what the character might be feeling.

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Signs That Your Kids Have Too Much Power and You Need to Step Up to Parent

Is it possible for kids to have too much power? Yes! Your household is not healthy and safe if your children are in charge instead of you. When you set firm boundaries, your kids feel secure.

If you find yourself feeling out-of-control with your kids, you may have handed them too much control. How do you know if your kids have too much power? Here are some warning behaviors:

• Your kids hit or push you.
• Your kids are disrespectful to you.
• Your kids do not listen to you.
• Your kids get by with inappropriate behavior.
• Your kids negotiate or whine to get what they want.

If any of these behaviors are familiar, it’s time to step up to your parenting role. You can be a loving authority figure in your family. If you’re not sure how to do this, taking one of Priceless Parenting 's online parenting classes is a great way to learn!