The good news is you can change these dynamics! One school counselor reported that she saw many children who refused to do their homework. When she asked what they would do if their parents left homework up to them, almost all the kids replied they would do their homework. Some of the reasons they gave were not disappointing their teachers, having their recess time and avoiding embarrassment.
When your kids focus on resisting you, they can’t feel their internal motivations. How can you remove your children’s resistance and increase the likelihood of their homework getting done?
Remove yourself from the equation by saying something like, “I realize that when I try to make you do your homework both of us end up feeling bad. From now on I’m going to leave your homework up to you. I have faith that you can work out any issues around getting your homework done with your teacher. I want you to be successful in school so you are welcome to use the TV or computer after your homework is done. However, it’s up to you to decide when and if you do your homework.”
Asking questions is another way to help your children think through the possible consequences for not getting their homework done.
- How will you respond when your teacher asks you for your homework?
- What does your teacher do when kids don’t have their homework done?
- What effect does your homework have on your grade?
It’s critical to ask these questions with calm curiosity instead of anger. By leaving homework responsibility with your children, you increase the likelihood it will get done.