Priceless Parenting Blog

Finding a Common Approach to Parenting

Children cause stress in relationships. After you had kids, did you find you had very little time for yourself? Are you amazed at how much time and energy your children take? Both parents often feel like they are giving more than 100%.

An even bigger source of stress comes from differing ideas on how to best respond to your children's behavior. Until you're in these parenting situations, it's hard to know how either of you will respond. The likelihood you'll naturally agree on how to parent? Very small.

Disagreements are common:

"You're too hard on him!"
"You let her get by with too much!"

If you want to find a common approach to parenting, taking a parenting class is a wonderful opportunity to explore the pros and cons of different styles. You'll have a basis for discussing what you like and don't like about various approaches.

You and your spouse/partner can now take an online parenting class from the comfort of your own home for just $59:

You'll discover ideas from world-class researchers and parenting experts. It’s a great investment in both your relationship with your children and with each other!

If you live in the Seattle area, you are invited to join me for a 6-week parenting class at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland, WA. Two sessions are available starting:

May 14 7:00 PM (ages 1 to 11)
May 16 7:00 PM (ages 12 to 18)

Space is limited. You can learn more and register today.

Do Your Kids Deeply Understand the Reasons Behind the Rules?

Living peacefully in a civil society requires rules. For example, when teens are learning to drive they learn many rules like what to do at a stoplight and the maximum speed to drive. Rules provide guidance and allow us to anticipate other people's behavior.

Games children play also have rules whether it's UNO or baseball. There are rules which all players must follow in order to play fairly. Games aren't much fun if some players refuse to follow the rules.

The Temptation of the Forbidden

While rules can serve as helpful guidance, they can also feel like big locks hiding buried treasure that are ever so tempting to try to pick. What treasure is so special that it needs such a big set of rules to protect it?

Doesn't hearing "Don't peak!" just make you want to peak? Rules can sometimes make the forbidden behavior even more attractive. It certainly adds to the excitement if you decide to break the rule!

It's natural for your children to want to test out the rules. They are curious to know what will happen if this rule is broken.

(read the rest of the article at Priceless Parenting)

Motivating Children to do Their Homework

Some children are internally motivated to get their homework done. If you have one of these children, you are lucky! However, if your children would rather do anything but homework, they may need a little external motivation. According to Margit Crane from Gifted with ADD, your attention can provide the extra motivation they need to succeed.

Every kid enjoys a little special attention. You can help motivate your children when they are doing their homework by bringing in something to munch on while they are working like hummus and crackers, a fruit smoothie, carrot sticks or strawberries.

If your children struggle in an area, find a way to be their assistant but not their boss. For example, if your child has difficulty reading and comprehending, you might help by reading one paragraph and then having him read the next paragraph. If you are reviewing something he's written and see spelling errors, you could point out “I found three spelling errors. Can you spot them?”

If your child is struggling to get started or feels overwhelmed, help him break homework up into smaller chunks. Start with a small, easy piece and then build on the success. For example if your child needs to draw a picture and write a short story about it, ask your child what he’d like to start with – the picture or the story.

You want to provide guidance without doing the homework for them. The only way they will learn is when they do the work themselves. Some parents also find it helpful to hire a tutor for either general topics like math or special tests like PSAT tutoring.

Questions to Ask When Dropping Your Kids Off for a Play Date

Play Dates are an exciting opportunity for children to spend time with their friends. According to Kim Estes from Savvy Parents Safe Kids, when your dropping your child off, there are a few questions you probably want to ask to make sure you understand what will be going on.

Who will be home?
Don’t assume that whoever is home at the time of the drop off will also be there the entire time. One mom was shocked to find out that her 5-year-old had been left home alone with the other 5-year-old while the friend’s mom ran a quick errand.

When should I pick my child up?
It’s a good idea to review with your child on the pick-up routine with your child on the way over – help clean up, say thank you and leave.

What’s the plan?
Find out in general what the children will be doing during their time together.

Do you have guns in the house?
When one mom asked this question the other parent responded “We do have guns but I don’t even know where they are!” If the answer produces a “red flag warning”, consider having the kids play at your house instead.

What are your rules about TV and computers?
If the kids will have unsupervised access to TV or the internet, your child may end up viewing something you’d find inappropriate.

If your child has any allergies or special needs, be sure to let the other parent know this. Also leave your cellphone number just in case they need to reach you for any reason.

Avoiding Saying Things You Soon Regret and They Don’t Forget

When you’re angry, you are far more likely to say something mean spirited to your children. You may say something that you regret almost as soon as you’ve said it.

One mom was furious with her middle school child’s behavior during a basketball game. She was one of the coaches for the game and he ignored her instructions while also causing problems for the team.

On top of that, he had a poor attitude in the car on the way home. This is when she lost it, swore at him and yelled “You are a disgrace to our family!” After calming down she regretted what she had said and apologized. However, he still remembered this incident years later.

Next time you’re angry, try having the fit in your head – don’t say anything out loud. Silent self-talk can save you from saying things you’ll soon regret and they won’t forget.

You Are Not Responsible for Your Children's Behavior

It’s easy to feel bad about yourself as a parent when your children misbehave – especially if it takes place in public. If your child has a tantrum at the store or hits another child at the playground, you may feel embarrassed by this behavior. While you might wish you could control your children’s behavior, ultimately they are in control of their own behavior.

Letting go of feeling responsible for your children’s behavior can feel liberating! Once you stop feeling responsible for their behavior you are freed up to focus on your own behavior – something you actually do control.

What is your response when your children throw a tantrum, refuse to share a toy, hit another child or make a huge mess? By focusing on how you want to react, you are in a better position to help your children learn from their mistakes and make better choices in the future.

For more ideas on responding to children’s misbehavior in ways that are ultimately helpful, not hurtful, check out Priceless Parenting’s online parenting classes.

Baby Sign Language

One of the more frustrating things for parents of babies and toddlers is trying to understand what it is they want. The older they get, the more frustrated they also become if you aren't able to understand them.

One thing that has helped many parents is teaching their babies and toddlers basic sign language. A simple way to start is with Baby Sign Language's free "Top 10 Starter Signs". Each sign is demonstrated in a short video and shown with a sketch. Once you and your child have mastered those, you can move onto their entire dictionary of words!

If you prefer flashcards that you can carry with you and quickly reference, you might enjoy these: