Helping Children Shine

When we recognize and appreciate our children's unique talents, we can support them in following their own dreams and passions. 

“I can’t sleep.”

When our kids wake us up saying “I can’t sleep.” it is certainly not music to our ears! One mom explained to her 7-year-old daughter, Amber, that the only valid reason for waking her up in the night was if it was a medical emergency.

Sure enough, when Amber woke her mom up in the middle of the night she said it was for a medical emergency. However, there was no medical emergency so as a consequence she took Amber downstairs for a time out. This upset Amber and made the whole process of getting back to sleep even longer.

In situations like these, it’s helpful to see our child as having a problem and lacking the skills to solve the problem. It’s our job to teach those skills.

With that mindset, what else could she do when Amber woke her up?

• Instruct Amber to go stop at the bathroom. Kids sometimes wake up because they need to use the bathroom but aren’t fully awake enough to realize that this is the problem.
• After that, walk Amber back to her room and tuck her into bed.
• If Amber was worried about falling back asleep, Mom might choose to lie down beside her for a little while.

By looking at Amber’s behavior as a problem she needs help solving, there are many more positive steps available to help Amber find a solution.

Choking game is no game

There are some games that teens should never play and one of those is the Choking Game. This is no game; it involves suffocating on purpose with the goal of feeling a head rush. Unfortunately, kids die or are seriously injured every year doing this.

Families who have been affected by this game have started an organization called G.A.S.P. (Games Adolescents Shouldn’t Play) to educate others. Their goal is to help other families avoid suffering a tragedy caused by the Choking Game. According to their site, these are the kids who are playing the choking game:

“Mostly boys and girls between 9-16 years old, nationwide and around the world. These adolescents are generally high-achieving in academics, activities and sports, and don’t want to risk getting caught with drugs or alcohol. The practice is taught through word of mouth and through the internet.”

They’ve put together a very powerful video about the Choking Game. By knowing the facts you will be in a better position to discuss this serious issue with your children.

Stop rolling your eyes at me!

It makes a lot of parents' blood boil when their children roll their eyes at them. This can lead to yelling "Stop rolling your eyes at me!" Does this command work? Not usually - instead a small smirk may accompany the eye rolling.

When we give our children orders like this, we set ourselves up for a fight because they ultimately control their eyes, not us! It's far better to tell them what we will do:

• "I'll be happy to talk to you just as soon as you are looking at be with respect."
• "When you roll your eyes at me, it really saps my energy. I'm going to lay down and read for awhile to regain my energy.  I'll work on making dinner after I'm feeling better."

Tell them what you are going to do and then do it!

The Challenges of Motivating Children

How can we motivate our children to work harder in school, in a sport or in practicing an instrument? Will the promise of a reward for practicing the piano help our child practice more? Or will the threat of punishment be more effective? When we try to motivate our children to work harder, we can often end up feeling frustrated by the results.

Understanding Internal Motivation

Ideas about motivation are changing as new research teases out some of the key elements. According to Daniel Pink’s latest book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, trying to motivate children using external rewards and punishment is a mistake. The secret for motivating children to high performance lies in allowing their own internal drives direct their behavior.

Pink describes three elements of true motivation:

(read the rest of the article at Priceless Parenting)

Allowing Our Kids to Grow Up

One mom who is taking the Priceless Parenting online class shared how she decided to give her kindergartner a choice. Since he started school in the fall, she always drove him to school, parked the car and then walked him to his classroom. One morning she gave him a choice asking “Would you rather have me park and walk you to your classroom or drop you off at the door and walk in by yourself?” He replied that he wanted to try walking in by himself.

Although the mom knew this was a safe situation, she still found herself worrying about the many things that could possibly go wrong before he got to his classroom. Fortunately everything went just fine and her son grew in confidence that day!

Too Wild for One Little Girl

A dad was picking his preschool son up after school. He spent 15 minutes chasing his son and a friend around. Dad would ROAR; the boys would giggle and run away. They were having fun.

A little girl in the same room was crying and clinging to her mom’s leg every time the dad ROARED. Her mother was engaged in conversation with another mother and wasn’t paying attention to her daughter’s reaction.

The dad was having so much fun that he didn’t notice that this was upsetting this little girl. Her mom was so busy she also didn’t notice. When adults ignore a child in distress, the child learns her feelings aren’t very important … not the message we want to give!