Understanding Babies Who Cry Inconsolably

One of the most stressful parts of caring for our baby daughter was when she cried and nothing we did helped. It can lead even the strongest parent to tears!

We knew babies cried a lot but we didn't know how helpless we would feel when we couldn't comfort her. We also didn't know how common this type of crying is for all babies.

The Period of PURPLE Crying acronym captures what is going on:

Peak of Crying - Your baby may cry more each week, the most in month 2, then less in months 3-5.
Unexpected - Crying can come and go and you don't know why.
Resists Soothing - Your baby may not stop crying no matter what you try.
Pain-like Face - A crying baby may look like the are in pain, even when they are not.
Long Lasting - Crying can last as much as 5 hours a day or more.
Evening - Your baby may cry more in the late afternoon and evening.

Dr. Ronald Barr provides an excellent explanation of the PURPLE crying period in this video:

Help Me Do It By Myself

When I was a child and struggling to do something, I often went to my dad for help. However, I wanted just enough help so that I could feel I had pretty much done it on my own. If he gave me what I deemed to be too much help, I got mad … not that much help, just a little!

Fortunately for me, my dad had a lot of patience. He was willing to try giving me hints on how to solve a problem without solving it for me. It certainly could not have been an easy balance for him!

I wanted to feel proud of what I had accomplished on my own. Even though I needed his help, if I had just a little help then it qualified as doing it on my own.

The next time your kids come to you for help, think about how you can give just enough help to get them unstuck without solving it for them.

Not Having Enough Time with My Kids

A mom wrote that her biggest parenting challenge is not having enough time with her kids. What an important realization! This is a problem worth solving. Your kids blossom when they have plenty of your time and you feel more relaxed.

Although I don’t know this mom’s personal situation, I do know that it is worth getting creative to figure out how to free up more time to be with her kids. Your kids keep growing and changing every day and there is no way to get that precious time back once it’s gone.

Have you found ways to free up more time so you can be with your kids? While each person’s situation is different, freeing up more time often involves things like

• Changing work schedules or situations (like no longer traveling for work)
• Letting less important tasks slip (perhaps the house won’t be quite as clean!)
• Asking neighbors, friends or relatives for help
• Finding ways to involve your kids in your tasks (like including them in meal preparation)

You can guarantee that in 10 years you won’t look back and wish you had kept the bathrooms a little cleaner. However, you will look back and appreciate the memories of spending time with your kids.

Releasing Emotions Holding You Back

Emotions are a powerful source of information and inspiration. Fear can spring you into action when danger is near. Love can give you the courage to stand up for someone. Anger can inspire you to fight to change something that isn’t right.

When Emotions Get Stuck and Hold You Back

Emotions start causing problems when they get in your way of success. This can happen when you experience something negative and you unconsciously decide to make sure that never happens again.

Have you noticed your kids being held back by their emotions? In the following stories, kids are being negatively affected by their strong, persistent feelings.

Brian loved playing baseball and was good at it. One day he was up to bat he got hit hard by the pitcher’s ball. He immediately went down in pain but eventually recovered enough to take first base and finish the game. From then on he found various excuses for missing practice and not playing baseball.

Isabel knew she was prepared to take the science test. She had studied all week plus done well on all the homework. However, when she sat down to take the test, her mind went blank.

(finish reading the article on Priceless Parenting)

When Parent's Words Seriously Hurt Children

When you say something negative to your children, it may end up haunting them for the rest of their lives. In this video, Bobbie talks about the pain she experiences as an adult as a result of hearing her dad tell her "I wish you were never born" when she was 5-years-old.

Nick Ortner, founder of the Tapping Solution, walks her through the experience using tapping to release the strong emotion that she still has around that event.

Discipline Without Screaming and Threatening

A mom wrote that her biggest parenting challenge is to discipline without screaming and threatening. This is a common parenting struggle as it’s a very natural reaction to increase your volume when your kids don’t obey the first time. Before you know it, you’ve added threats to try to force them to behave.

When you start yelling and threatening, you really let your kids off the hook for their poor behavior. Now they can focus on your out-of-control behavior instead of their own misbehavior.

If you can remain calm and actually lower your voice, you will be in a more powerful position. By remaining composed, you can hold your kids accountable for their behavior without escalating the situation.

Is it easy? No! But I learned to change my screaming into calm, confident parenting and you can too! Discover the effective parenting ideas in Priceless Parenting’s online parenting classes.

Too Much Screen Time Hurts Babies

TV and digital devices are certainly effective at keeping kids entertained. But how much is too much? Previously I've written about limiting screen time for older kids. Sadly pediatricians, psychologists and teachers are seeing babies and preschoolers with social, emotional and physical problems related to too much time on screens.

Parents are getting the message that digital devices are great for babies and toddlers. You can now buy a baby bouncy chair and a potty chair with iPad mounts. You can buy apps that are designed just for babies and toddlers.

One such app had this to say in its press release "Red Wagon Software announces the release of "Bonk! Bonk!" - its debut iPad and iPhone app for toddlers. Founded by Bill Brisky - a former Microsoft programmer - Inspiration for the endeavor started when Brisky's infant son Paul became enamored with his father's iPad and would delight in tapping images on the screen. Seeing his son's obvious joy, Brisky created "Bonk! Bonk!" - an interactive app where every time Paul would tap the screen a sound and colorful image would suddenly appear mesmerizing him for hours."

Kids who are mesmerized for hours by an app are missing out on developing critical interpersonal skills. Setting screen time limits is essential for keeping your kids healthy.

After presenting at the Crib to Classroom conference last weekend, teachers asked if I had a one page handout they could give parents on the problems caused by babies spending too much time with TV and digital devices. I didn't have a handout so I created one and it's featured in this month's newsletter. You are welcome to print and share copies of "Too Much Screen Time Hurts Babies".