Controlling Backtalk

One mom responded in a survey that her biggest parenting challenge is controlling backtalk. Backtalk is certainly something you don’t want to hear from your kids. It’s a sure fire way to push most parents’ buttons!

But can you control your children’s backtalk? I don’t think so. They ultimately control what words come out of their mouths. However, you can control your reaction to whatever they say. How you react will increase or decrease the likelihood that they will use backtalk in the future.

For example, when your child uses backtalk, you may say "I’ll be happy to continue this conversation when you are speaking with respect" and then walk away. This gives everyone a chance to cool down. You are also communicating that you won't stick around if they are using backtalk.

What if you’ve asked your child to feed the dog and he responds "Why do I have to do all the work around here?!" You might respond by saying "Thank you for feeding the dog" and walking away. What you want to avoid is taking the bait by answering the backtalk with something like "I do most of the work around here. All I ask you to do is a simple thing like feed the dog and you just complain." If you take the bait, you’re entering an argument and that will only encourage more backtalk in the future.

DANCE Parenting Classes: September 8th - 29th

Parenting is a dance you do with your kids. If you don't like their moves, take this class and learn how to change your lead!
Discover your children's strengths and increase their competence Aim for high expectations based on your children's developmental level Notice misbehavior and respond with reasonable, valuable consequences Control your reaction to stressful parenting situations Enjoy your children and take time to renew yourself
Priceless Parenting classes are grounded on decades of positive parenting experiences from real life situations and backed by the latest scientific research in child development. The DANCE Parenting Class combines the powerful online parenting classes with discussion and questions/answers with the class author, Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.
Space is limited. Register today for one of these classes. Register by September 2nd for $199 $149! Yes! I want to join this parenting class. I understand that I will get: 11 audio/video parenting lessons, September 8th - 29th Interaction with the instructor, Kathy Slattengren, on each lesson Certificate of Completion for 10 hours upon finishing the course and filling out a questionnaire Participation in weekly conference calls I can share this course with my spouse or partner BONUS: a signed copy of the book How to Parent In Ways That Are Truly Helpful, Not Hurtful  Learn more and register for one of these classes: Ages 5 and Under  Ages 6 to 12  Ages 13 to 18  I hope you are able to join me!      Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed.      President, Priceless Parenting P.S. If you know someone who might enjoy taking this class, please do me a favor and share this with them.

Seeing Your Child's Behavioral Problems from Their Viewpoint

Why is my child behaving like that? Almost all parents have found themselves asking that question as they watch their child throw a tantrum, hit another child or refuse to cooperate. What is causing my child to misbehave and what can I do to change it?

These are the questions that pediatrician Claudia Gold has been asked many times by parents. Gold has discovered that listening to parents describe their child's behavior in specific situations along with their thoughts and feelings about the behavior provides valuable insight. Once the parents feel understood they are in a far better position to understand their child’s perspective.

Often the child’s behavior is connected to what is happening in the rest of the family. In her book Keeping Your Child in Mind: Overcoming Defiance, Tantrums, and Other Everyday Behavior Problems by Seeing the World through Your Child's Eyes, Gold tells numerous stories where she helped parents see those connections and better understand their child’s behavior.

Gold writes "Being understood by someone you love is one of the most powerful feelings, at all ages. For a young child, it is the most important of all experiences because it allows the child’s mind and sense of self to grow."

If you want some ideas about how to see the world from your children’s eyes, this book can help pave the way.

How to Build Healthy Relationships with Your Kids’ Teachers

Whether your children are in preschool, high school or somewhere in between, their teachers play a major role in their lives. Building positive relationships with their teachers will help your kids experience more success in school.

Your children need their teachers and those teachers need you. They simply cannot do the best for your kids without your help.

Noticing Problems at School

The advantage your children’s teachers have is that they work with many kids the same age and are good at noticing when a child is falling outside the norms either academically or socially. The advantage you have is that you know your child much better than any teacher. Both you and the teacher each contribute important information in understanding your child.

When a teacher comes to you discuss a problem with your child, it’s often a difficult conversation for both of you. As a parent, you are naturally sensitive to any perceived negative feedback about your child. It’s hard to hear your child is struggling without feeling defensive.

(finish reading the article on Priceless Parenting)

Helping Your Kids Through The Difficulties of Divorce

Going through a divorce is extremely challenging for both you and your kids. Jean Tracy's Character Building: Divorce Stories and Strategies to Help Your Child Heal provides stories and ideas that can help your children through the difficult times.

For example, one story is about a little boy who is waiting for his dad to pick him up but sadly his dad never shows up. You learn about how this boy deals with his disappointment in a way that helps him feel better. There are questions and suggested activities with every story to help your children apply it to themselves.

Reading these short stories together can help you and your children discuss important issues that come up when parents are divorcing. What a wonderful resource to help kids!

Rules for Successful Sleepovers

Most kids love having friends spend the night. Sleepovers often involve lots of fun and very little sleep! As a parent you may dread having sleepy, cranky kids the next day plus a messy house.

What rules can you establish ahead of time to avoid the problems which sometimes accompany sleepovers? Here are some you might want to consider:

• All digital devices need to be turned in to you upon coming over (phones, iPads, …). You can tell them you’ll keep those things safe and return them when they go home (or they could chose to leave them at home). Groups of kids with internet access is a risky situation.
• Your child cleans up after the kids leave (ideally this encourages them to have their friends help clean up before they leave so that there isn’t a huge mess).
• Your child and the friends agree to a reasonable lights-out/quiet time.

If you have other rules you've found helpful, please share them in the comments below.

Warning Signs That a Child Is Drowning

Children who are drowning do not look like they are in distress. They are not going to call out for help or splash their arms. Why? Because they no longer have the air or strength to do those things.

Knowing the signs to look for in a person who is drowning may save a child's life. Below are the characteristics of the Instinctive Drowning Response from the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine:

1. Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary, or overlaid, function. Breathing must be fulfilled, before speech occurs.

2. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water.

3. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water, permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe.

4. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment.

5. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.

When you're at the water with kids, make sure at least one adult's attention is totally focused on the kids in the water.