Developing positive parenting habits

When we continually repeat a behavior, it becomes a habit. Once it becomes automatic, we don’t usually think before doing it.

What are some parenting behaviors that we do not want to make into habits?

• Nagging and reminding our children
• Yelling at our children when they misbehave
• Ordering our children around
• Swearing when something goes wrong
• Lecturing our children

To break a negative habit first takes awareness and then dedication and practice to change it.

I was recently with a family where the parents consistently pointed out what their girls were doing wrong or could potentially do wrong. I thought these girls would be in tears with all these negative messages; however, I noticed the daughters dealt with it by tuning their parents out.

The parenting habits we develop have a huge impact on the overall joy in our families. Monitoring and changing our own behavior is the key to increasing positive feelings for everyone. It certainly isn't easy but taking the seven lesson Priceless Parenting course can help reinforce positive parenting behaviors.

Yelling at Kids in Anger

Have you ever become frustrated with your children when they are begging you for something? If so, you can probably relate to this mom's story.

Begging for Ice Cream

One mom told me how exasperated she was while driving her 10-year-old son to Baskin Robbins to order cake for his upcoming birthday party. Her son started pleading with her to get an ice cream cone at Baskin Robbins. Mom said he couldn't have one since he had just had ice cream yesterday.

He didn't give up hope and instead kept asking her if he could please have an ice cream cone. Completely fed up, she pulled over and stepped out of the car for a few minutes explaining she needed a break from his behavior. After getting back in the car, he soon asked her again about the ice cream!

Feeling quite angry now, she yelled at him for continuing to ask after she had already told him no. By the end of her rant, he was crying. Needless to say, this wasn't exactly the pleasant outing she had envisioned.

Alternative Parenting Responses

(read the rest of the article at Priceless Parenting)

Children arrive without instructions

If children did come with a manual, parenting would be much easier! There is a wonderful Huffington Post article describing the importance of parent education.

The article begins "You'd never hire someone to do the most difficult and important job on Earth, give them the responsibility to care for your most valuable asset, and toss him or her head first into the job without any training. Yet, we do it every day as new parents, each time a child is born."

The author goes on to describe specific examples of the impact of parenting and parent education. How we choose to parent certainly affects our family's future happiness.

Dealing with defiant children

Defiant children can really drain energy from their parents. Fortunately there are ways to deal with rebellious children that make them far less likely to act defiantly. In his counseling practice, Dr. Jeffrey Berstein has helped a number of parents change their behaviors in ways that greatly reduce the defiance in their children.

Berstein has captured the techniques he teaches parents in his book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child. The book’s introduction includes this description of defiant children: “Your child is defiant and he is driving you up a wall. He is colossally resistant to following even the simplest requests. He is moody, seriously stubborn, overly dramatic, rude, and disrespectful – not every once in a while, but quite often. He doesn’t just question your authority; he actually thinks he has just as much authority as you do.”

His deep appreciation for the struggles of parents with defiant children comes from counseling families over the past 20 years. From understanding what causes defiance to practical ideas for handling defiant children, this book is a valuable resource for helping parents better cope with their defiant children.

Cyberbullying - are your kids affected?

The internet and cellphones enable kids to quickly and sometimes anonymously harass other kids. According to Common Sense Media, 43% of teens have been victims and 53% admit sending a hurtful message. The problems can begin as young as second grade.

Common Sense Media has more information about cyberbullying along with a thought-provoking four minute video. Check out the video and then view it with your children. The video provides a wonderful way to start the conversation with your kids.

Giving silent approval

When our children start misbehaving and we do not do or say anything, we are giving our silent approval. We are also likely to see the misbehavior continue and escalate. At this point we will probably wish we would have intervened earlier!

I witnessed a 10-year-old girl teasing and taunting her younger sister while playing a board game. Their dad was also playing the game but didn’t say anything. The older girl’s teasing continued until someone else finally stepped in and told her it really wasn’t ok to tease her sister like that.

When we notice bullying behavior in our children, it is important that we let them know that this needs to stop. Our children need our guidance in learning to be respectful of others.

Teaching moral behavior

We’d like our children to be kind, respectful and fair to others. However, those behaviors don’t occur naturally so how do parents encourage acting ethically?

Michelle Borba discusses this issue in her book Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing. She discusses each virtue along with ideas for how parents can help their children to develop each virtue. The seven virtues defined in the book are:

“1. Empathy is the core moral emotion that allows your child to understand how other people feel.

2. Conscience is a strong inner voice that helps your child decide right from wrong and stay on the marl path, zapping her with a dose of guilt whenever she strays.

3. Self-control helps your child restrain his impulses and think before he acts so that he behaves right and is less likely to make rash choices with potentially dangerous outcomes.

4. Respect encourages your child to treat others with consideration because she regards them as worthy.

5. Kindness helps your child show his concern about the welfare and feelings of others.

6. Tolerance helps your child appreciate different qualities in others, stay open to new perspectives and beliefs, and respect others regardless of differences in race, gender, appearance, culture, beliefs, abilities, or sexual orientation.

7. Fairness leads your child to treat others in a righteous, impartial, and just way so that she will be more likely to play by the rules, take turns and share, and listen openly to all sides before judging.”

This book is a terrific resource for ideas on how to encourage these virtues in your children.