Dealing with teasing, bullying and putdowns

It can be really hard for parents when they learn their child is dealing with teasing, bullying or putdowns at school. Ideally parents will teach children how to handle themselves in a way that deals with the teasing and makes it less likely to happen in the future.

There are a number of ways to respond to teasing that work well, for example, using a short response like "interesting point". There are also a number of ways that typically increase the teasing like tattling to the teacher or getting upset.

I recently read the book "Words Will Never Hurt Me". The author does an excellent job describing practical approaches that work well in dealing with teasing.

Powerful 1-2 word reminders

Yesterday I saw two young boys goofing around in a grocery store parking lot, not paying attention to the traffic around them. Their dad said “parking lot”. That’s all he said. The boys quickly stopped messing around and paid attention to where they were.

One or two word reminders can be effective while saving you from accidentally launching into a mini-lecture (“How many times do I have to remind you to be careful in parking lots!? There are cars ...”).

Another mom told me that when her daughter forgot to put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher after dinner she would just say “plate” and walk away. She said using a one word reminder was effective and prevented her from ranting at her daughter.

Words to avoid: "I told you so"

Last week I saw a young boy walking home with his mother from school. He tripped on the bottom of his pants, fell, skinned his knee and burst into tears. His mother reminded him that she had told him this might happen if he wore those pants.

It would have been so much better had she just used empathy to comfort him. Had she instead said something like "Oh how sad. That really hurt.", she would have been on the same side of the problem as her son with his bad decision on the other side.

Nobody likes hearing "I told you so". It can be sometimes feel good to say it but it is far better for your relationship with that other person if you avoid saying it.

Mother's Day inspiration

Please join me on Sunday May 11th, 2008 as I am the featured Inspirational Luminary on InspireMeToday.com. Inspire Me Today™ is a website that provides the Best of the Best Inspiration Daily™- each day from a different person. Enjoy a 10-minute podcast, a 30-minute audio feature, a personal story or just my quote of the day. It's easy. Just click on the image below and be inspired! Thanks for joining me!

What makes time-outs work or fail?

If you are finding that time-outs are not working well, see if you have these items covered:

1. Provide a rich, nurturing "time-in" environment (so that the child wants to be there)

2. When you ask your child to take a time-out, make the request unemotionally, using few words.

3. Do not give children attention while they are in time-out.

4. Allow children to leave time-out once they have quieted themselves and feel they are ready to rejoin the family.

5. Be consistent in how time-outs are given.

For more detailed information, please read the article "What Makes Time-Out Work (and Fail)?".

Tracking children’s grades online

Many schools are now providing the ability to track student’s grades online through programs like ParentCONNECT or Parent Assistant. Although our school does provide the ability to track our kid's grades online, I have never used it.

I've always given my children the expectation that they are responsible for their school work. If I need to see something, then it is up to them to show me. This sends them the message that I trust them and I’m not worrying about their homework so they’d better be the ones concerned about it! Ultimately, I want my children to choose to try their hardest in school because it is in their own best interest.

What are your thoughts on this?

Meet me on May 4th - Seattle Center

I'm participating in the Northwest Enterprising Mom's Spring Event at the Seattle Center on Sunday May 4th 11:00 - 3:00. The event takes place in the Exhibition Hall and I'd love to meet you if you are in the area. I'll have a table at the event and I'll also be giving a talk from 2:00 - 2:30 on "Taking the Stress Out of Parenting".