Improving Communication Through Family Meetings

Do you ever feel like the members of your family are not all on the same page?  Is there family stress around trying to get everything done?  Are you concerned about an ongoing problems with your kids? 

Family meetings are a wonderful tool for improving communication and implementing changes.  These weekly meetings teach your kids skills like how to problem solve and how to present ideas.

This is the basic outline of these meetings: 

1.  Go over the agenda (during the week anyone can add items to the agenda that they would like to discuss).
2.  Each person takes a turn giving everyone else in the group a compliment.  This helps set a positive tone and also focuses attention on what you appreciate about each other.
3.  Review any action items from last week's agenda.  If your family tried a solution to a problem, discuss how that solution worked.  Does the solution need adjusting or changing?   
4.  Go through this week's agenda items.  Brainstorm possible solutions to whatever problems need to be addressed.  Choose one solution to try that meets everyone's needs.  
5.  Review the calendar for the week - who is doing what and when.  Discuss any transportation related to these activties.
6.  Close with a fun activity or a snack. 

It's helpful to have a notebook where someone records what is discussed and decided at the meeting.  This makes it easier to review any action items from the previous week's meeting (step 3 above).

You may want to limit the meetings to a certain amount of time.  If you aren't able to get through all the agenda items, those can carry over to next week's agenda.

The goal is to keep the meeting positive and constructive.  Ideally everyone should leave the meeting feeling like they were heard. 

Avoiding Your Kids Responding "You're Not Listening!"

Listening is one of those skills that really doesn't seem like it's all that difficult. Why then do so many children report that their parents don't listen to them?

Maybe it's because there are many ways to unintentionally stop conversations with your kids. These traps are so easy to fall into that you may not even realize something has gone wrong until your child walks away in a huff.

Saying Things That Stop Conversation

It’s easy to respond to your children in ways that shutdown the conversation. In his book People Skills, Robert Bolton identifies 12 conversation roadblocks.

Being judgmental:

• Criticizing: "That wasn’t a very smart thing to do."
• Name calling: "You are such a brat!"
• Diagnosing: "The reason you drag your feet on getting your chores done is that just you want to upset me."
• Praising Evaluatively: "You’re the best player in the school. The tryouts will be breeze for you."

Avoiding the child’s concerns:

(Read the rest of the article on Priceless Parenting)

Shaming Kids is Hurtful, Not Helpful

Sometimes parents or teachers turn to shaming kids in order to try to get them to improve their behavior. They may say things like:

• Shame on you!
• You should know better than that.
• What were you thinking? 
• Everyone else is doing what they are supposed to be doing, why can’t you?
• You’re a bad boy!

Shaming kids makes them feel bad about themselves. Shame researcher Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging”.

The biggest problem with using shame as a way to try to change kids’ behavior is that it destroys the part of them that believes they are capable of changing. A much better approach is to describe the child’s behavior and then guide the child to fixing the problems caused by this behavior. For example, “You’ve left candy wrappers on the couch.” or “You hit him and now he is crying.” Focusing on your children’s behavior instead of your children’s character, will help them make better choices in the future.

DANCE Parenting Classes - 3 week class starts June 3rd

Parenting is a dance you do with your kids. If you don't like their moves, take this class and learn how to change your lead!
Discover your children's strengths and increase their competence Aim for high expectations based on your children's developmental level Notice misbehavior and respond with reasonable, valuable consequences Control your reaction to stressful parenting situations Enjoy your children and take time to renew yourself
Priceless Parenting classes are grounded on decades of positive parenting experiences from real life situations and backed by the latest scientific research in child development. The DANCE Parenting Class combines the powerful online parenting classes with discussion and questions/answers with the class author, Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.
Space is limited. Register today for one of these classes. Register by Monday May 27 for $199 $149! Yes! I want to join this parenting class. I understand that I will get: 11 audio/video parenting lessons, June 3rd - June 24th Interaction with the instructor, Kathy Slattengren, on each lesson Certificate of Completion for 10 hours upon finishing the course and filling out a questionnaire Participation in weekly conference calls I can share this course with my spouse or partner BONUS: a signed copy of the book How to Parent In Ways That Are Truly Helpful, Not Hurtful  Learn more and register for one of these classes: Ages 5 and Under  Ages 6 to 12  Ages 13 to 18  I hope you are able to join me!      Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed.      President, Priceless Parenting P.S. If you know someone who might enjoy taking this class, please do me a favor and share this with them.

Responding to Misbehavior with Fight or Flight versus Pause and Plan

How do you feel when your kids misbehave? When I ask parents this question during classes, the most common responses are feelings of anger, frustration and discouragement. If you're like most parents, when your kids misbehave you experience powerful, negative feelings. If you choose to act in the moment, you are likely to come up with your worst parenting responses. You may find yourself:
Yelling at your kids - "I'm never taking you here again!" (even though you probably will be going back to the grocery store at some point) Threatening them - "I'll just leave you here!" (even though it is actually against the law to abandon your kids at McDonalds) Saying things you soon regret and they don't forget - "You are a disgrace to our family!" (even though you really don't mean it) Hitting them (even though you swore you'd never do that)
Ouch! Why are these types of responses so easy to fall into? Responding with Fight or Flight When you get upset with your kids, your body is triggered into a fight or flight response. (Read the rest of the article on Priceless Parenting)

Using Punishment Versus Discipline for Misbehavior

Punishment and discipline represent two very different beliefs about how to best respond to children's misbehavior. Punishment focuses on suffering or pain as retribution, versus discipline that focuses on natural or logical consequences. With discipline it isn’t the severity of the consequence but rather the certainty that matters.

Priceless Parenting focuses on using discipline for misbehavior with the goal to help children learn from their mistakes. Eventually this discipline will come from inside your children so that when you’re not around they are still making good choices.

If you'd like to show your support for not hitting kids, please print and sign this pledge to never hit kids. Feel free to print copies for friends, family and teachers too!

If you want to learn more about how to use discipline with your children, check out our online parenting classes.

Could it be autism?

Autism now effects one in 88 children. Researchers are trying to figure out the factors behind the increase in the rate of autism. While parents, child care providers and doctors are more vigilantly looking for possible signs of autism in their children.

For those not intimately familiar with autism, the line between normal and autistic behavior can be hard to see. The Autism Speaks organization has put together a series of videos showing normal child behavior and autistic child behavior in these areas:

• Social interaction
• Communication
• Repetitive behaviors and restricted interests
• Regulatory and sensory systems

The videos are well done with accompanying explanations about the child's behavior. There are also videos showing treatments used in helping autistic children. You will need to create a login to access the Autism Spectrum Disorders Video Glossary.