Thursday, March 17, 2011

Figuring Out How to Fit In

We all have a deep need for connection with other people. Psychologist Alfred Adler declared that belonging, feeling a sense of connection, is one of the primary motivators of behavior. Your children are no exception; they too need to feel a sense of belonging.

Threatening to Remove Connection

When children want to hurt others, one of the primary ways they do it is by threatening to remove connection. Even young children know the power of saying things like:

  • "I'm not your friend anymore"
  • "I don't want to play with you."
  • "You're not invited to my birthday party!"
  • "I hate you!"

Words can really hurt. Children need help learning to express anger or frustration in healthier ways rather than threatening to no longer be friends. group of children

Learning to Fit Into Peer Groups

One of the most complex tasks of growing up is figuring out how to fit into the peer group. If your child struggles to fit in, it can be agonizing for both you and your child. You would like to protect your child and yet you really have limited abilities within your child's peer group. One mom told of the terrible experience her middle school daughter, Samantha, had when planning her birthday party.

(read the rest of the article at Priceless Parenting)


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